For those who are still married or have married before, I am sure you agree with all these funny quotes on marriage.

Anyway, for those who are still not married or on the brim of taking the marital plunge, I advise you to read through these marriage funny quotes. You will thank me for that.

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years… then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and woman gets her masters degree.” – Anon

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” – Henny Youngman

“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” – Andre Maurois

“An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

“Marriage is like a game of cards. Starts with two hearts and a diamond and ends with clubs and a spade.” – Anon

“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.” – H L Mencken

“After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.” – Hemant Joshi

“All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.” – Lord Byron

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

“Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.” – Anon

funny marriage quotes

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” – Patrick Murray

“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.” – Groucho Marx

“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” – Anon

“For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.” – Bill Cosby

“Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.” – George Lichtenberg

“Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.” – Anon

“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” – Milton Berle

“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” – Max Kauffmann

“Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.” – Evelyn Hendrickson

“Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets.” – Ogden Nash

Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give.” – Cass Daley

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman

“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller

“The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.” – Groucho Marx

“Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.” – Alan King

“Women hope men will change after marriage but they don’t; men hope women won’t change but they do.” – Bettina Arndt

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck

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