marriage

My favorite list of funny marriage advice quotes. I should have read them before I tied the knot. So that is why I’m sharing these humorous wise advice with those who are thinking of getting married soon.

Anyway, congratulations and I hope you and your bitter,ops! I mean better half will live happily ever after.

“Marriage is a wonderful institution … but who wants to live in an institution?” – Groucho Marx

“Married couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking.” – Chinese Proverb

“A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity.  The order varies for any given year.” – Paul Sweeney

“Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” – Helen Rowland

“Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths.  No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” – Mark Twain

“You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” – Toni Sciarra Poynter

“Spouse: someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.” – Anonymous

“Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” – Joey Adams

funny marriage advice quotes

“We don’t love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.” – Jacques Maritain

“Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.” – Samuel Johnson

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin

“A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous.” – Ingrid Bergmen

“A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.” – Anne Taylor Fleming

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein

“In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy.  The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.” – Anne Sophie Swetchine

“A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.” – James H. Boren

Marriage Advice Quotes Funny

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